I love recovery myths. I spend a lot of time trying to bust them through my writing here, which is why this video piqued my interest:
This is Justin Hewitt, the manager of Transcend Sober Living in LA. He seems nice enough, and from listening to his vlog, I’d say it sounds like he’s made some important life changes. Kudos to that. But it’s telling that the first point he cites of why his life is better now is simply the absence of a negative – that he’s not in jail anymore. This explains the mindset which would claim it’s a myth that you can get sober and hit a point where you don’t crave drugs anymore. I have to disagree. You can “transcend” the desire to use drugs, I know this both from personal experience and from friends who have felt this transcendence as well. Heroin was my main drug, I did it all the time, I ran around committing crimes to get it – and within a few months of getting sober (9 years ago now) I completely stopped thinking about it. I didn’t crave it. It just didn’t make sense anymore, it was no longer an option in my mind, and I had experienced far better rewards at that point. So it’s not a myth. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life worried about cravings- but this is the message you’ll get in the recovery culture.
In the recovery culture, people see quitting drugs as a punishment, as a loss of something good. While you’re actively using drugs in this way, it certainly feels like a loss or punishment to have to go without the drugs – which is why so many people resist making this change. It’s natural to view it that way. The problem is that if you keep valuing the high like that, it becomes very hard to stay stopped. The desire is the important part of the equation – it can be changed by altering your view of substance use, for example, I know see drug use as a cheap thrill, whereas I saw it as a ticket to happiness when I was “addicted.” But most importantly you change the desire by working to experience things which are more rewarding than the cheap thrill of a drug induced high – that is to say, you transcend the desire to abuse substances by cultivating competing values, and focusing on those values until the high pales in comparison to them. This means that when you sober up you’ll be constantly chasing new goals and dreams, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and pushing yourself to be the most productive and creative person you can be. That’s how you’ll experience better rewards, and as you do, the desire to escape reality through drugs will naturally disappear, because you’ll actually revel in your ability to function successfully in the real world – the desire for a cheap thrill will hold no sway over you as you live closer to real rewards, fulfillment, and happiness.
Accordingly, an important question people need to ask themselves as they sober up is whether they’d rather surround themselves with people who see quitting dangerous drugs such as heroin and crack as a loss. Personally, I’d want to surround myself (and I have) with people who are able to function successfully without lusting after drugs – people who command reality rather than lamenting the fact that they have to deal with it.
Note: All of this criticism shouldn’t be perceived to be directed at the man in the video, his comments were simply a jumping off point to examine this issue and the associated attitudes as they exist within the wider recovery culture. I should also add that he makes an important point – that it’s important what you do with the desire. I agree to a point, but this just doesn’t apply for the rest of your life, you really can outgrow the desire. Also, to his credit, Hewitt never says he wishes he could use again, making his message less extreme than many speakers I’ve seen at 12-step meetings who state outright that they wish they could use again.
